I always say that self-help books need to find you at the right time in order to have the most impact. You also have to resonate with the author, their personality, presentation, and choice of words. Thankfully, ‘The Let Them Theory’ by Mel Robbins checks both of these boxes for me.

‘The Let Them Theory’ teaches you how to stop wasting energy on things you cannot control with the use of two simple words right there in the title – Let Them. Those words have the power to help you release the expectations you’re holding onto and help you take back the power you give to others. The book is written in an easy-to-follow manner, with Mel Robbins’ no-nonsense approach at its core. She is vulnerable, real and most importantly, relatable. Mel explains how you can apply this theory in eight major life areas in order to:

• Stop comparing yourself to others
• Practice emotional detachment from others and things you cannot change; instead, focus on controlling your own thoughts and actions
• Build resilience against the everyday things that bring you anxiety
• Redirect your energy into creating the life you love and more
• Choose the love you deserve
• Help someone who is struggling
• Master friendships
• Motivate others to change
• Deal with the fear of what people think of you

Divided into two parts, it doesn’t just teach you how to ‘Let Them’ but also how to ‘Let Me’, which is the second part of the theory focused on the actions you can take, and that, dear reader, is where the key lies.

The theory is simple and rather self-explanatory. You cannot control other people or certain situations, so let them be who or what they are.

They left you on read? Let them.

You spilled coffee in the morning? Let it be.

They passed you for a promotion? Let them.

It is not the same as letting something go, or you walking away, but it’s about letting it be what it is. Allow it to unfurl as it will. The suffering that you feel in these types of situations comes from resisting reality and wishing things were different from what they actually are. The Let Them Theory becomes a tool to separate yourself from the need to change that reality, to remain calm and level-headed, to make the next – Let Me.

Let the person ghost you, and schedule a date with someone brand new, or someone you weren’t giving a chance to, maybe they turn out to be your dream partner. I hope you and I find someone who looks at you the way I look at this book in this picture haha!

Clean up the spilt coffee, don’t let it ruin the rest of your day. Change your outfit – who knows, maybe they will make you feel more confident, or you’ll end up feeling great when someone compliments it.

Let them pass you for a promotion, but let yourself think about what it is you really want to be doing, and maybe apply for another job in a team that appreciates and values you.

Do you see how it’s the second part of the theory that puts things into perspective and makes you feel empowered?

The ‘Let Them’ is not an excuse for bad behaviour, or to avoid hard conversations, and it is not a licence to hurt others. It is meant to make your life better, but you need to remember that it is the ‘Let Me’ part that changes your life. It is your responsibility. No one else will do it for you. No one is coming to save you. Time is wasted waiting for others. Your life, happiness, health, boundaries, and success – it is all on you.

It’s a harsh reality, but a reality nonetheless, and Mel does a great job of reminding her readers that.

The book is geared towards adults, but it can be adapted to a younger audience, kids, teenagers and also to groups. It contains appendices on how to do that. The audiobook version also comes with a Blooper Reel, which is great fun to listen to, and apparently Robbins does it at the end of her podcasts too!

Yeah, this book is going to stay with me for a while. It is life-changing.

It doesn’t just assume, by the way, that everyone else is only doing wrong by you. It acknowledges that you are definitely doing wrong by others as well, and it gives you tools to try and tackle that. I feel like people are not or don’t want to be aware of that themselves nowadays, and they should be. I’m definitely ‘that bitch’ in someone else’s story. No doubt about that, even if I didn’t mean it.

There’s one analogy in the book that made me pause, that I also want to share. It compares our lives to a game of cards, highlighting the fact that you cannot change the cards you and others have been dealt.

It’s about how you play.

Mel relates that analogy back to the fact that we need to stop comparing ourselves to others and learn how to play with them, instead of against them. With 8 billion people on the planet, there will always be someone who thought of the same idea first, or has what you want, or did what you were planning to do. But that should not stop you from having it too. In these scenarios, and I’m guilty of it as well, people really just get mad at themselves, because someone else is reminding you what you’re not doing and what you’re finding excuses against.

Other people’s wins are not your losses.

We need to learn to use these opportunities to become a better player, to use this comparison to our advantage. Take the formula that worked for others, mould it, adapt it, and utilise it. Use it as a fuel to get you going, as an inspiration to create the life you want to work on.

That is the biggest lesson I’m taking away from it that I want to implement. I’m not the first travel or literature blogger out there, but it won’t stop me from being one. Thank you for being part of that journey! ❤

‘The Let Them Theory’ is a transformative book for me, but to reiterate again, it found me at a perfect time, just as I needed it. The principle of it is straightforward to implement, even if it will take a while to feel comfortable with it. At the very least, when I say those four words to myself now, Let Them – Let Me, it gets me thinking about what it is I can actually change and alleviates the anxiety from the situation, if only a little bit. I hope it will for you too.